Our Marxo-Kenyanist government and the far left environmentalist radicals within it have iron fistedly decided incandescent light bulbs are bad and seek to push them out of the marketplace in favor of compact fluorescent bulbs, which communists have preferred for years.
Failure to comply with the Light Bulb Nazis will likely lead to a stint in a FEMA camp, Alex Jones assures me.
And the government's light bulb fiasco is Marxism to the tenth degree, what its coming stranglehold on the light bulb industry, which is sure to result in lost jobs, violate our Constitutionally protected right to buy shitty light bulbs, and destroy the free market (at least the light bulb sector, anyway).
The Light Bulb Nazis, just like the Food Police and Trans-Fat Nazis, are extremely un-American because, really, our democracy and Constitution and Founding Fathers aren't shit compared to the free market. Thankfully, patriotic heroes such as those of the Tea Party (who totally would have kicked a 9/11 hijacker's ass, turned the plane toward Saudi Arabia, and leaped out to kick more terrorist ass, all while humming Toby Keith songs) will hopefully stand in the way of this tyrannical government attack against capitalism.
Americans value their freedom of choice, which is precisely why we jiggled for freedom as we railed against the anti-McDonald's Nazis who every few years try to destroy our liberty in regards to shoveling as much poisonous slop down our sweaty gullets as we please. These same Americans - who totally aren't like those nanny-state lovers, most of whom receive their light bulbs through welfare programs - will rise up and defend the freedom of the wholesome light bulb industry in the name of free market and freedom of choice.
And yes, we know what the America haters are going to say: If freedom of choice in the marketplace is so important, why not protest conglomerate mergers which force us to choose between a handful of banks, or energy companies, or information outlets?
Well, dear readers, you just tell those baby killers that, in accordance to the Rules of Capitalism (And By Extension America) written by Adam Smith - who historical revisionists claim was Scottish, although us Real Americans know he was born in the Heartland, just like Jesus and Ayn Rand - it's totally evil when government limits even the most insignificant of our choices, like our Constitutionally protected choice to insulate our homes with asbestos and, by extension, our free markety freedom to not tell the illegal immigrants we've hired to build our homes that asbestos will kill them (because it's the personal responsibility of those illegal immigrants to know when their employer is tearing their lungs to shreds; anything else is communism).
Yet when, say, Comcast and NBC merge into one company and further restrict the already shrinking number of outlets from which we receive information, well, that's just the free market. Sure, our freedom of choice might be limited as a result of the merger, but, hey...shut the fuck up, communist. Go poop on the flag, or whatever it is communists do when they're not tossing dead babies around at protests in Seattle.
Summary: President Obama's Social Security cutbacks are being trial ballooned today, with little resistance shown by the official left. Obama wants us not to notice those plans, while animatedly (since 2007) nodding and winking to the financial and economic elite. The U.S. Democratic Party are no help, of course, so what strategy do the rest of us need in order to successfully protect Social Security?
According to a new Wall Street Journal/NBC poll, U.S. Voters Want to Soak the Rich in order to fight the deficit. Matthew Yglesias writes that the only measures a majority of voters supported were
lower Medicare benefits for the rich, higher Social Security taxes for the rich, higher income taxes for the rich, higher corporate income tax, and lower Medicare payment rates. That's pretty much an aggressively leveling agenda.
But, unfortunately for all but the ruling elite, for President Obama (through his appointed commission) the way to cut the deficit is to soak the old by cutting Social Security:
In addition to raising the retirement age, which is now set to reach age 67 in 2027, specific cuts under consideration include lowering benefits for wealthier retires and trimming annual cost-of-living increases, perhaps only for wealthier retirees, people familiar with the talks said.
On the tax side, the leading idea is to increase the share of earned income that is subject to Social Security taxes, officials said. Under current law, income beyond $106,000 is exempt. Another idea is to increase the tax rate itself, said a Democrat on the commission.
The next paragraph of the WSJ piece is the 'get a clue' one for those who still don't 'get' Obama:
Mr. Khadr was captured by U.S. Forces in 2002, when he was just fifteen years old. Since then, he has been forced into various "stress positions" and left there for many hours on end. He has been suffocated until he passed out, revived, and then suffocated again. He has been terrorized by barking dogs while his head was covered by a plastic bag tied tightly around his neck, making it hard for him to breathe. He was told he was going to be sent to a country where he would be horribly tortured and raped. He has been doused with freezing water and left cold and shivering. He has been interrogated for long stretches of time without being allowed to go to the bathroom, forcing him to urinate on himself. He was subjected to "light pushing," bright lights left in front of his eyes until he could not see. He has spent long periods in solitary confinement, sometimes in very cold temperatures. He has been beaten by interrogators who shackled his hands and feet together, lifting him off the ground and then dropping him many times over. He has been abused until he could not stand, and then used by military police as a human mop to wipe his own urine and pine oil off the floor of an interrogation chamber.
If there's one right the American populace loves, it's the right to deny others the same basic rights they enjoy. Denying the rights of others is the God-given right of the majority, as written in the Constitution (hard to find, but it's somewhere in the back, moved into obscurity by, uh, the NAACP or something). Ever since America told black people they weren't really people, or at least lacking the 2/5's required to satisfy standards of humanity in the republic, Americans have been having a blast determining the rights allowed to certain folks based on extremely important traits, like the color of one's skin or which orifice one penetrates, or allows to be penetrated. And the popularity of the right to deny somebody else's rights is still alive and well, considering the backlash over the overturning of Prop 8 in California, no doubt the work of an overarching, insidious cabal of homosexuals and college professors, although many Americans consider the two to be synonymous.
By and large, there are two longstanding charges against gay marriage. The first comes from the morality crowd, often religious folks who want to protect the sanctity of our most cherished of institutions outside of military contractors, wherein 50% of those engaged in marriage just don't work gosh darn hard enough at strengthening the institution and end up divorced. The successful 50% should, according to the morality crowd, do their patriotic duty as God-fearing Americans and totally fight against homo marriage, mostly because God doesn't approve of it.
The Southern Baptist Convention, a Christly group of - you guessed it - Southern Baptists, tapped into Judeo-Christian (mostly Christian) America's attitude toward gay marriage in their 1996 resolution against the idea of fantabulous matrimony in which, in the face of scientific evidence hinting homosexuality may be biological, they declared: "God, who is both Moral Ruler of the Universe and the Creator of all that is, and who knows and understands the physical and psychological composition of all and every human life better than any human scientist will ever know it, has stated in Scripture that homosexual conduct is always a gross abomination for all human beings, both men and women, in all circumstances, without exception."
Homo supporters - largely made up of folks who embrace ungodly ideas like logic and common sense - will contend that God said no such thing, that the Christian's beloved Scripture was written by mortals, then rewritten by other mortals, now in the hands of more mortals who interpret it in regards to their own prejudices. These homo supporters are, clearly, hellbound. Moreover, they are at their core haters of the Constitution, not just because the Constitution was written by fundamentalist Christians who advocated mega-churches (also somewhere in the middle, pushed into obscurity by Jews), but because it contradicts the second reason why the warriors of traditional family values are super duper pissed about the whole Prop 8 mess.
The second reason, the one folks can argue in court, is majority rule. That's what democracy is, right? The populace votes on something and the side with the most votes wins. Anything else is fascism.
Sure, sometimes this results in brutal oppression. But true democracy means that sometimes, to protect the rights of real Americans, other less real Americans are stripped of certain rights. Like the right to vote, the right to a fair trial, and the right to not be a slave. And as the Prop 8 vote back in November 2008 showed us, this also includes the right to marry, which is a public activity that effects everybody else, mostly because everybody else thinks dudes (who are possibly wearing wedding dresses) kissing each other is totally gross.
Yet we at Lib Porn believe there is a third reason. This reason is pure speculation because, alas, we're too lazy to head down to the Lib Porn Labs of Sociology-slash-Bioweaponry Division to embark on our own study. But we believe that a nation populated in large part by folks who don't get laid enough is more apt to grudgingly look an oppressed person in the eye and say, "Nah homie, you absolutely cannot piss in the same bathroom as me." Some of these sexless, bitter citizens are also more likely to tell others they're going to hell, mostly because they fuck too much or fuck the wrong consenting adult in the wrong hole.
And the state of these sex-starved mega-church dwellers and angry folks who delight in saying "No, faggot/nigger/welfare queen/Mexican!" says a lot about America as a whole, considering there are a whole lot of these flag-waving patriots. We're not saying that if this chunk of our populace engaged in proper, fulfilling coitus more often we'd magically metamorphose into a more enlightened, tolerant, and peaceful country, but we guarantee the average gay marriage opponent would be less angry.
Assange described his organization to The New Yorker as "scientific journalism," comparing it to biology researchers publishing their data sets along with their papers. In recapping a talk by Assange at London's Center for Investigative Journalism earlier this month, a reporter for the British newspaper The Guardian cheekily pointed out that "if Assange was producing this article, he would post the rambling hour-and-a-half talk he delivers" instead of quoting from it.
"Journalism should be more like science," Assange told The Guardian. "As far as possible, facts should be verifiable."
They call him Nuge. Deadly Tedley. Motor City Madman. He ran around the stage in leopard-skin pants and, although the pants weren't really made from a leopard, Nuge certainly slaughtered several lesser animals then painted their remains to look like one. He considers everyone on welfare to be a dreg of society. Nuking Iraq is his preeminent suggestion for foreign policy. And, right now, he's doubtlessly firing an automatic weapon at a bunny rabbit. Or possibly a kitten. After all, it's his Constitutionally-protected right to do so.
We're talking about Ted Nugent, of course. Now if there was ever a rocker who displayed the virtues of a blue collar conservative while still retaining the personality of a right wing war monger, it's Nugent. He is, without a doubt, the true embodiment of the modern American right wing.
Terrifyingly, editors and publishers see fit to allow Nugent to write stuff. And when reading Nugent's various queef bubbles I can almost smell the blood, probably because Nugent believes pen ink is for commies, preferring to carve his first drafts into a deer carcass with a bowie knife (just how George Washington would have done it). How this transfers onto a WordPress blog is beyond me, although Nugent's USB drive must be a sight of unimaginable gore littered with puppy skull fragments.
One of Nugent's recent turd danglers appeared on Human Events, a ridiculous conservative website full of ridiculous things, not the least of which is Nugent himself. Anyway, Nugent explains how America has totally been hijacked by left wing communist principles because, ya know, everybody in the White House is a Maoist. Literally.
Nuge says, "At least from my own research, I still can't find anyone on the President's closest team who has actually started a successful business. I can, however, find Che and Mao fans."
Well, dear friends, I'd like to see what Nugent thinks 'research' is. I envision him turning on his computer, leaning toward the monitor and saying, "Okay Mr. Internet, how many communists are in the White House?" With the monitor unresponsive, Nuge patriotically peppers the hard drive with hollow-points, resigning himself to the ominous fact that the Maoists have indoctrinated his PC.
Like your average Tea Bagger, Nugent has a penchant for swallowing conservative talking points with little or no questions. Of course Nuge knows Reaganomics works; all that icky "destruction of the unions and a crack-addicted underclass" business? Blame welfare cheese and big government. You have to be hard on crime; all the evidence of rehabilitation being more effective than solitary confinement for 17-year-old with a possession charge is just the rabble of faggoty college liberals. Nugent can enlighten us about the Recession, which wasn't caused by the corporatism of the Bush years as much as it was caused by, ya know, poor people...poor people who want your tax money!
Nuge proclaims, "Capitalism is the strongest man-made force on the planet." Given this statement, I guess he thinks Adam Smith spent all his time at a work bench, ya know, making capitalism.
But to challenge his positions will only lead Nugent to condemn you as a dirty commie rat. Clearly, collectivist scum like us want to forget about those golden semi-libertarian years of yore...back when our meat had rat poo on it and janitors in textile factories had to sweep up the severed digits of child laborers after each shift.
Or perhaps Nugent, like the average Tea Bagger, is incapable of thinking critically about our past. Mind you, there hasn't been a time since the unregulated industrial cesspools of the early twentieth century when the Baggers' imaginary libertarian wonderland actually existed. The most prosperous years for American workers came in the 50s. Yeah, free market worked wonders...after WW2 left our industrial rivals in ruin and the implementation of the welfare state. (I guess FDR, Truman, and Ike were Maoists too.)
Nugent also has good reason to admire the Bushes and Cheneys of America. Because Nuge has a hard-on for guns, bombs, and war, but conveniently weaseled his way out of the Vietnam draft. Nuge has gone on record about how he's made up for his draft dodginess by playing USO shows. Because that's totally the same thing.
Instead of wrapping up this post neatly, I prefer to leave you with this: Nugent has often voiced a desire to run for public office.
